Diablo and AIDS

In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve actually gotten my hands on a copy of Diablo III and have been enjoying that immensely. It’s a great escape from my otherwise boring life. I went out the other night with some of the people from Meetup.com and I am glad that I did, it was an interesting night to say the least. Some random stranger tried to get me to come home with her and while doing so she warned me that I should look out for AIDS. I informed her that I didn’t have to worry about it since any girl that I was remotely interested in ran like she was on fire at the thought of a sexual relationship with me. When I told this story to one of my friends he informed that the girl telling me all of this had AIDS herself—which makes this confusing to say the least.

Why would you go out picking up men only to warn them of that while doing it. I mean she spent several minutes telling me about the whole thing and how dangerous it was around this side of town to be talking to girls that you didn’t know and the like. I don’t really know if she noticed, but I was there with a group of mostly guys and we stuck to ourselves. Of the three girls with us, two of them were in long term relationships and one of them was well above my level.

Still, I hate when people assume that I’m out to hookup with women. Is that all they think guys do?

Well I guess it’s lucky that I’m kind of opposed of random casual sex with strangers, that girl’s dangerous. I will be avoiding that if I ever go back to that place.

A better Class of Friend

I’ve been trying to get out more recently and meet new people. The few, very good friends that I do have make me realize that I want more out of my friends than I have been getting lately. Having people begrudgingly respond to you whom you see once every couple of years just isn’t going to cut it for me and while I have some friends here in town, more than I realized, I also have lost a fair bit of close friends to moving and distance. It’s a good thing that we live in the world that we do, because otherwise I wouldn’t ever here from these people anymore.

And at the same time, I want people who I can hang out with here in town and go out to drink and hang out with. Right now I do get a bit of that, but at the same time there is too much reluctant participation going on and teeth pulling to get you to want to hang out with me.

This past week I went to a Dungeons and Dragons Meetup group and hung out with the people there. The chance to interact with people who were somewhat like me and with whom I had a common interest was very much appreciated. The thing is that I realized that people would be friendly to me and think I was cool to talk to without me having to beg them to.

After a long time friend shunned me from all of the festivities surrounding his wedding more or less because of someone else I knew and the fact that I don’t approve his other friend getting so drunk that he tries to molest our mutual friends. I don’t want to be around a person who when faced with the options of two people picks the drunken molester as the friend he wants to keep around.

I deserve a better class of friend.

Happy?

There’s something odd about the things that happen some of the time and life almost feels like a movie. You wonder if you’re on a real live version of the Trueman Show. I spoke about in my last post about how all that I wanted was someone to tell me that they wanted me to be happy. Since then exactly two people have said it. One of them I know has no computer currently and thus has little or no way to get to this website. The other hardly knows about this site’s existence and she certainly has no time to be snooping around my blog.

Grounded

For now the plans to go out to Seattle are grounded. My friend out there, the girl that I was going to visit might start dating a new guy soon and I’m not really in the mood to be the source of drama in the life of someone I like. All I want is for her to be happy and I don’t think it’s my place to disrupt that for her. The time is melting away with work and writing. I’ve had less time to talk to the people I really care about and just this week I ended up joining that site Meetup.com. It’s just a neat little thing designed for people to get out and start being social off line. Think of a social networking site for real life.

I like the idea of it, I like the idea of not having a computer or phone or distance between me and a person. With guys, when there’s distance it just sucks because most of what we would do was hang out, if we could. With women, when there is distance it seems like feelings always develop and you can rest assured that if anyone’s getting hurt when feelings develop, it’s me.

Maybe I don’t meet many people in person these days, but it’s safer. Women seem to be completely opposed to dating me, but that stopped hurting sometime early in college. Most guys don’t have the same interests I have, that’s just a fact of life. This week, I plan to meet some people who are interested in at least two things I am: Pathfinder and hookah. The Hookah thing is me trying to form a group, I doubt it will work because I never have been one for organizing other people. But the Pathfinder/D&D thing is really what I am excited about. This is my ticket to get out there and start hanging out with different people so that I can get out of this slump I have been in. With the exception of one friend, I think that most of my friends here in town aren’t really appreciative of me and just down right don’t care. Maybe a few of them do, but I need to expand.

Despite the friend hunt, all that I really want to find is someone who just wants me to be happy. Maybe that’s a selfish thing to say, but I don’t think anyone’s ever said it to me before. Not “I love you”, not “I really like you” not any of the other huge things people spend their whole lives trying to get. I don’t think I ever will be happy, because let’s face it: everyone’s life doesn’t get better. But I think that there’s some comfort in at least knowing that someone else cares enough to want you to be happy.

Also: Thinking about changing the name of the blog, but the sentimental fool in me is resisting strongly.

Living in the internet age

I need to be on here more often, but work has me so exhausted by the time I get home lately that all I can do is lounge about reading things about Pathfinder. I have been very interested in the game lately and even bought enough stuff to run an off computer game here for friends and family or whatever. I’m really going to do this damn thing…someday.

I was browsing through some stuff on Facebook last night and it occurred to me that this one girl I was looking at was a friend of a friend and though I didn’t know her, from everything I was seeing of her on there she was the kind of person that I wish I was friends with. It’s not that their lives seem so cool in the general sense, but it was just that everything she had an interest in was something I was generally interested in.

The internet has created some strange categories of people in your life. Like the girl I’ve known since I was about 12, but have never met in person and only spoken to on the phone about three times. She lives in Northern England and I consider her as much a friend and have known her longer in some cases, as the people here around me. That wasn’t really possible forty years ago.

Insecure boyfriend

Pretty much all of my female friends is pretty.  That being said, I don’t make it a point to tell the women in my life they’re beautiful often. It can cause trouble a lot the time. They may get the idea that you like them. Life has caused me to wise up, when you’re not the kind of guy they want, them thinking you find them pretty can be cause enough for them to distance themselves.

I’ve noticed a new trend. It sprung up when I started doing the photography. I would ask friends if they wouldn’t mind taking some pictures; I had one friend that loved to make fairy costumes. I asked her if I could take some pictures of her, she never answered me. So when I asked again she told me that she really wanted to, but her boyfriend didn’t feel comfortable with her doing it. She had even said maybe he could come to the shoot with her, but he still refused. I told her I didn’t mind, because I don’t. It’s not my fault she’s too weak willed to tell her boyfriend to can it.

The shocking thing about it is that she’s not a homely girl, or stupid. She’s gorgeous and smart, kind of dorky in a cute way—but nothing bad. I don’t get how a girl like that let’s herself be led around by a tool. And it’s not just her, I actually have seen this kind of thing repeatedly. I lost a friend over it some years back. A girl had a boyfriend that got upset because I gave her a red sweater for Christmas. She never forgave me for it, even after they broke up and I tried to talk to her years later. The stupid thing in this instance was she knew I didn’t like her because I was in love with her roommate and admitted to only getting her the sweater so she wouldn’t feel left out when I gave her roommate something. Meanwhile, the girl in question was someone I had driven to work for months and just generally been helpful toward.

Another girl that I still know used to date a guy who didn’t let her talk to anyone. I was alone at the movies one night and ran into them. He asked me to come sit with them (via her, he wouldn’t do it himself) because there was someone else that had shown up he didn’t want around. When that person left he actually had the audacity to ask me to move (once again through her) because he didn’t want someone he didn’t know well sitting next to his girlfriend (after he asked me to sit there).

This is the kind of petty bullshit we’re dealing with. Are people so desperate for a significant other that they’re wiling to cast aside sense and logic and just go full on stupid?

It seems so.

Nothing to Report

I have spent the better part of my days lately reading Mistborn and the other days I have spent working. I don’t have much to say on here because my personal life has been rather subdued lately. I’ve been talking a lot to a girl that I really like, which usually I have trouble with. But she’s encouraging. She seems to want me to be myself and want to hear from me even when I don’t contact her first.

That’s a rare thing.

Lately I’ve been discovering a lot of forgotten songs. Songs I used to love, but that I somehow let them slip my mind. How did that ever happen? Well I promise to use my iTunes playlist only for good now.

I’d hate for this to be a waste of time, so read this if you’re looking for something thought provoking: Dear Daughter

Not Even If You Were The Last Straight Woman on earth…

It’s like the bad twist ending at the end of some corny B-movie. I mentioned it to a friend of mine while talking on Facebook chat; it often seems like she’s the only straight woman on the internet. That’s a bit of hyperbole. But in the time since I first saw MySpace and Tagged appear online last decade it seems that that there are more and more women saying that they are bisexual. When I go on dating sites like OKCupid it’s almost all that I see and I wonder if the women saying it truly are bi.

Some of it might be due to the fact that people believe that whole thing about sexuality being a sliding spectrum and the closer you are to the middle, the more bisexual you are. If you lead to one side or the other then you’re homosexual or heterosexual respectively. If this is the case, why aren’t there more men saying the same? Is it the stigma that’s attached to it (I would guess that’s it) or is it just that women are more likely to be bisexual? There is so much bullshit attached to a man just complimenting another man that it’s also totally possible that any girl who thinks that another girl just looks pretty might have inadvertently gotten the idea that makes them bisexual.

Though the reason I think it’s so common is it’s simply in fashion. I noticed when I was looking at Twitter there were a lot of girls with the first thing listed in their profile that they were bi. Sexuality is a huge part of life and for some people the LGBT community is something that a lot of people identify with. Bisexuality isn’t a bad in and of itself, but pretending to be bisexual to get attention, fit in, or be cool is just kind of lending less credibility to a group that is already left on the outside often times. Other than that it’s just disrespectful.

I would like to hope my natural thought process is wrong, but something tells me it’s not.

Nice guys really do finish last

Had another “what the fuck” moment while talking to a girl last night. Before I actually get into it, I want to make it clear that I in no way believe this is something all or most women subscribe to, the same way that I don’t think that all men are cheating sacks of shit. I was told by a girl that she didn’t want a guy who was nice to her and tried to take care of her or open doors for her. I don’t see what the problems with those things are—it sounds like another way of saying that you want more drama in your life.

I’ve been talking to her a while and while we’re cool to talk, I don’t know if I could date her because of the fact that I actually would like to think I’m a good guy. I try to open doors and be nice to women I like and my girlfriend. It’s just the right thing to do. I don’t know what man would want to be any other way. I’m not sure if I’m getting the whole message here, maybe I’m missing something. But if you don’t want a guy to be nice, then why? Maybe I’m doing something wrong.

Verizon is Out To Ruin my Love life

A childhood friend of mine that I had known since she was basically a baby (she was born when I was about three) asked me if I wanted to hang out while she was in town. I was a little wary of the idea to start because it felt to me like it would be the kind of thing filled with awkward silence and a realization that whatever we had in common faded over a decade ago. But I agreed to try and set something up.

On Facebook I watched some of her posts as they came across and I thought she was funny, seemingly smart and articulate and that she liked some of the same things I do, Doctor Who for instance. Then gradually I started to know that she had grown up to be somewhat attractive and she just got into a diverse array of things outside of school and work. When we finally tried to put a date to the meeting, I asked her did she want to go ahead and make it just an official date. She was as far as I could see single and despite knowing her back when I did she was virtually a stranger.

Her response? Nothing.

I waited several days, because I know how Facebook messages can go. I sent a follow up message to ask her if she had gotten it, she said she didn’t get all of her Facebook messages on the phone (sometimes this can happen) but she would check. So I got her number, texted and no response.

I don’t get the idea behind that. You can’t just say “No” to a guy? What makes the whole thing more damning is how so many women claim they want this confident man and some of these same women don’t even have the confidence to refuse something they’re not interested in. For all of the talk about guys who misread discernable signals there are plenty out there who just get ignored and go on to wonder if they’re really being ignored or if something else has happened. This is the second or third time this year I’ve mentioned this kind of thing. Only this one is worse because she’s someone who I’ve known for the better part of my life and who seemed all too eager to hang out as long as there was no chance of us dating.

I doubt I would want to now, if you can’t tell someone no and take the rude way out by ignoring them then we might not be compatible as friends. There is the possibility that she didn’t get the messages or the text, but this seems to be happening to an extreme when it comes to texts with me trying to meet up with girls and for all the messages I send these few of this type are the only ones not getting to their desired destinations.